A few years ago I took a trip to Thailand. I soon found myself at the Full Moon party, heavily boozing with my pal known as The Foam Boy. At the time, he was a paparazzo by trade and in the midst of a work-related nervous breakdown.
You can imagine his delight when he spotted that Premier League footballer and Top UK Lad Kieran Gibbs was also on the same beach as us. He was enjoying contemporary popular music while gyrating like Sean Paul.
Foam Boy immediately seized this opportunity and ran for his cameras. After all, this could have been quite the scoop, Gibbsy was at the time out of action, having suffered a stubbed toe or something similar, and therefore not footballing.
“This story will write itself,” thought The Foam Boy, probably. At this point I should also mention that we had consumed milkshakes from ‘Magic Mushroom’ Mountain hours earlier and everything was melting. As Foam Boy returned with his two unwieldy and wholly conspicuous DSLRs, Gibbsy’s friends had alerted him to our presence. They were all dressed in florescent boxing shorts and body paint, which only added to our hallucinations. 
At this point they began fleeing down the beach to avoid the glare of cameras. The Foam Boy followed, as did I until we reached a lagoon and a Mexican stand-off ensued.
Foam Boy took some stealthy shots and Gibbs’ friend then furiously turned to us saying that we were both ‘dead.’ I asked for clarification. He then informed me that he knew the mafia ties on the island and that our water supply was to be poisoned. Put simply, we would not leave Koh Phangan alive with images of the inconsistent Arsenal and (sometimes) England footballer Kieran Gibbs. I responded that I don’t know anything about football or indeed who Kieran Gibbs was. 
I pleaded with Foam Boy and told him to delete the pictures. He responded through gritted teeth with “They know the game. Let me work.”
Luckily, before the situation could escalate, a nearby firework distracted the commotion and we ran to our shack. Foams called his manager.
“Mike, it’s Foam Boy, I’ve got a big one. Kieran Gibbs has been spotted in Koh Phangan and I have the shot to prove it. Yes. You should know that I have also been greenlit by the Thai mafia, therefore, I must request a speedboat out of here as a matter of urgency. Time is against us. Cheers.”
Foam Boy sat down, exhaled and rubbed his eyes before attempting to view the money shot. Unfortunately, the lens cap was on the whole time. Our boat departed the following morning.